so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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