Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
