wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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