I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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