last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
