doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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