I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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