I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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