how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
