i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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