She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you inspire me to be a worse person
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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