My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
