Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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