My hand turned me down
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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