I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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