one might say we're banned from that church
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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