remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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