Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
