he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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