If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
