Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
