Do you still have your period?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
