i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
