I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
