I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
