porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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