Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
