But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
