my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
