this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
