Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
