My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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