im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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