The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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