I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
