I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
