i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize