can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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