Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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