apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
