haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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