my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
