The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
