Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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