maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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