Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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