Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
