i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
