The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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