I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize