the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
