The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
