My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
