yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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