OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
