He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize