Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I want is dick and wine.
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