You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
