I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
