From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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