I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
