She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize