somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Still dying that you shit outside
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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