if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
