Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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