i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
