You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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