Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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