lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
