Sponge bath it is.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Vodka?
Forever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
