Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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