I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
